We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
