As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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