i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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