Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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