god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
