How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
