We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
