I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
