just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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