I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
