I look better un-naked...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
