4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
