Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
