Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
