Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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