bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
