Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
