I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
