i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
