Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
