she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You have to summon your inner elephant
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
