u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
