Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
