if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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