I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
