nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
