If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
