wake up i wanna do it froggy style
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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