I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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