He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
