i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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