i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
