i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
