There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
