Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
