Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
