Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
