I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
