sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
