Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
