Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
