someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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