...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
