i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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