WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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