I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
