Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
