No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
