Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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