Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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